"Depression" Isn't the Correct Term

I feel so jagged and shaken. Frightened, I can't catch my breath. I don't know which way to direct my gaze or which path to take. When I am depressed I can't move. My friends say, "Just break free and MOVE!" and... I'm so paralyzed. When I feel so trapped and stuck I just want to rip myself apart, but even then, I can't move. I hate so much in my life, but I swallow it - I don't want to hate. So I burn inside, instead. ...can't... I can't breathe... my vision fades in and out... my fingers are stiff and icy. I almost can't move even just to type. For long moments I stare blindly above the screen, incapable of existing - I forget to breathe, my heart nearly stops, then it pounds, and I feel more trapped.