An Easily Digestible Poem

You said, once, As we walked together, That you would never, Never give up, That you would, No matter what, Win my heart, And be my man. I laughed, And thought, You were so silly, So young, That you couldn't, Understand, That my heart, Was undone. Now I stand, Alone, Having crumbled, My walls, My heart beats, Loudly, Wildly, I want you. Now I run, After your shadow, Telling you, I will never, Never give up, That I will, No matter what, Take back, Your heart, And have you, Be my man. I hope, You don't laugh, And think, You are no longer, Young, That I am silly, That your heart, Is undone. I want to walk, Beside you again, And know, Together, We will never, Never give up, Because, We have, Each other's hearts, And we laugh, Together, In the sunshine, And smile, At how silly we are, And how young, We feel, Together, And know, Our hearts, Are one.

My Most Candid Confession

And here I sit, love, in the quivering silence, the tense stillness buzzing with the electricity that only you can engender in my soul. Your handprint on my heart - so hot, it burns - my chest can barely rise with shallow breath from the pressure. Unable to escape into my typical distractions, I feel your presence in an alien environment, wondering if you'll appear - knowing you won't - and paralyzed from movement regardless. I read once of the evils of hope; that it creates an aching emptiness, a shattering sadness, from the need for that which is hoped for. I feel that hope in these moments, darling, and its bittersweetness fills every spark of electricity in my cells. That sweetness, cloying, dense, causes me to long for the painful times with you - because even those incidents of sadness were spent together - wishing I could meet you again in the soft falling of our mutual souls. I ache without you, my sweet, a deeply bruised pain in all the places you traced your name, and the ache seeps outward, trembling through my body. Just the sight of you makes my heart stop - then rush forward like a great, crashing torrent - just the sight of you causes my body to quiver and shake from the intensity of my soul calling to yours - and the near impossible difficulty of holding myself back from rushing into your arms and stealing you into myself forever. My dearest, it matters not to me what happened, what is happening, what will happen; it matters not to me that if we were together once more you would make me cry; I couldn't give a damn that perhaps we would go our separate ways again...all that I can see, all that matters, is that my heart wants you, my soul loves you, my mind brightens with you, my body craves you; and I cannot see reason in not living in accordance with my feelings for fear of what may come, nor to avoid the possible sadnesses the future may bring. I could die tomorrow, in a month, in a year, in a decade or a few, and my last moments would be spent longing for you, and wishing I had been able to retain a few more moments by your side, locked in your embrace, crying tears of laughter, joy, and heartbreak. Love, I am sorry how it broke your heart when you would see me cry, but I cannot regret those moments, because I feel closer to you because of them. I treasure the deep, tender rending of our hearts together. I realize now, that without heartbreak, there can't be a complete joining of our souls - without breaking each other open, we cannot come together as a healed whole. I love you... those words are meaningless. Those words cannot possibly describe the level of devotion and appreciation I hold for you. Those words...so paltry... they cheapen my feelings with pathetic connotations and frivolity. My soul wants to mingle with yours again, to dance in your sunlight, to soothe your soul in my moonlight, to speak the language only we can speak together. And so here I sit, my love, quivering in the silence....the same as every day since the moment I met you and there was a whisper from Fate which pulled me in....the same as it will, every day moving forward, until the time our souls have become satisfied, and fly their separate ways. But, my dearest, even with all my desperate heartbreak, I hope that day never comes; I would rather love you alone forever - but more - I would rather love you joined together, than to live without the meeting of our souls, sewn together through it all.

No, I Don't Hate Loving You

I don't hate loving you, my dear, my love. Even when my mind screams otherwise, the lament, " I hate you!" filling every breath, settling in my spine. But I don't hate loving you, no, love, I don't. I hate the soft silence in my bed upon waking, my first thought of you, as I breathe in the memory of your scent, wrapping my arms around the imaginary curve of your back. What I hate in this is the breathtaking loneliness that overcomes me, the heart-wrenching feeling of missing how perfectly your form met against mine...and now it is gone. I hate the despair I feel when you ignore me, because I fear I never mattered, I fear that meaninglessness will engulf my life in a sea of grey, and every time I see you the desperate beating of my heart will never be matched by yours. I hate my hunger for your laughter, and my discouraging fears that no one else's merriment will play with my heart quite as beautifully as yours does. I fear that no other sun shines as brightly as yours, and I hate that I had to tell you to leave. Why did I make you leave? I know I had to, but the guilt of that act sears me like acid, eating away the edges of my composure. I hate that you don't try, that you don't express the same longings that I do with open abandon. I hate that our roles reversed, and now yours is the closed-off stony facade, and my face is the one bearing tears. It hurts me that you have time for everyone else, that you respond and spend time with others, but not me. Am I meaningless to you? How can the thought of you settle upon my mind so oft throughout each day, yet I feel the same isn't true for you. Enough of pretense, for there are darker feelings, too. I want you to want me. Only me. With every breath you take, I want the pause upon inhaling to tighten your chest from the thought of me. I want each exhalation to come with the silent whisper of my name. I want you to feel my presence beside you at night, and curse the gods because I'm not truly there. I want to steal your laughter in a bottle and keep it all to myself. I want your arms to hold me when I am unwell, and your sympathetic voice to encourage me into health. I want my arms around you, breathing you into my soul, knowing you are doing the same. I want a second chance at loving you; an opportunity to dive in, to not hold back this time, to resist my fears and stop believing that our love was meant to be broken. I want your kisses which feel so natural that I could swear they were made only for me. I want your love, fiery, dynamic, yet sure, unquestioning. I want to know that when I return home from battle, you will be there to gently kiss my ring finger, to kiss my lips, to ever-so-tenderly kiss my forehead; the way you kiss me, seemingly with reverence, breaks open the chambers of my heart, strengthening each beat that follows. And yet... I want nothing from you. I want you to simply be you. I want you to have peace. I want to let you go, to move on, to find someone "better" - that someone who kept me from loving you completely because I feared I could feel their heartbeat in the distance, calling for my own. I'm confused, my darling, and I feel so befuddled and lost. I want you, I don't want you, I want someone whom I've never met yet, and I want no one ever again. I'm afraid to love you, I'm afraid to let you go, I'm afraid to want you, I'm...terrified to never long for you again. How great a tragedy it would be, to feel a love so magnitudinous only to let it blow away like sand and scatter into nothingness. Please don't make me let you go. Please tell me to let go. I'm not torn, but I feel my back breaking beneath these columns of hope and fear. I want to let my fears go...and just love...and let be. ...but... ...but.. Mine. Gimme.