My Most Candid Confession

And here I sit, love, in the quivering silence, the tense stillness buzzing with the electricity that only you can engender in my soul. Your handprint on my heart - so hot, it burns - my chest can barely rise with shallow breath from the pressure. Unable to escape into my typical distractions, I feel your presence in an alien environment, wondering if you'll appear - knowing you won't - and paralyzed from movement regardless. I read once of the evils of hope; that it creates an aching emptiness, a shattering sadness, from the need for that which is hoped for. I feel that hope in these moments, darling, and its bittersweetness fills every spark of electricity in my cells. That sweetness, cloying, dense, causes me to long for the painful times with you - because even those incidents of sadness were spent together - wishing I could meet you again in the soft falling of our mutual souls. I ache without you, my sweet, a deeply bruised pain in all the places you traced your name, and the ache seeps outward, trembling through my body. Just the sight of you makes my heart stop - then rush forward like a great, crashing torrent - just the sight of you causes my body to quiver and shake from the intensity of my soul calling to yours - and the near impossible difficulty of holding myself back from rushing into your arms and stealing you into myself forever. My dearest, it matters not to me what happened, what is happening, what will happen; it matters not to me that if we were together once more you would make me cry; I couldn't give a damn that perhaps we would go our separate ways again...all that I can see, all that matters, is that my heart wants you, my soul loves you, my mind brightens with you, my body craves you; and I cannot see reason in not living in accordance with my feelings for fear of what may come, nor to avoid the possible sadnesses the future may bring. I could die tomorrow, in a month, in a year, in a decade or a few, and my last moments would be spent longing for you, and wishing I had been able to retain a few more moments by your side, locked in your embrace, crying tears of laughter, joy, and heartbreak. Love, I am sorry how it broke your heart when you would see me cry, but I cannot regret those moments, because I feel closer to you because of them. I treasure the deep, tender rending of our hearts together. I realize now, that without heartbreak, there can't be a complete joining of our souls - without breaking each other open, we cannot come together as a healed whole. I love you... those words are meaningless. Those words cannot possibly describe the level of devotion and appreciation I hold for you. Those words...so paltry... they cheapen my feelings with pathetic connotations and frivolity. My soul wants to mingle with yours again, to dance in your sunlight, to soothe your soul in my moonlight, to speak the language only we can speak together. And so here I sit, my love, quivering in the silence....the same as every day since the moment I met you and there was a whisper from Fate which pulled me in....the same as it will, every day moving forward, until the time our souls have become satisfied, and fly their separate ways. But, my dearest, even with all my desperate heartbreak, I hope that day never comes; I would rather love you alone forever - but more - I would rather love you joined together, than to live without the meeting of our souls, sewn together through it all.